This El Nino weather is certainly knocking me for a pain loop. In the last three weeks I have a extreme pain flare about twice a week, one week, three! I was prepared for this, or at least I thought I was; I was not entirely ready for the intensity. I did mentally note that this would probably occur and find myself more accepting of the days when I have to give up doing anything I had planned and spend my day on the couch.
By preparing, I accept these days better and use my days not in pain to do the best I can to catch up. Of course, I am not really getting all I need to do accomplished. When do I ever? I have changed my normal course of dealing with household chores, and out doing errand chores, to dealing with whatever is the most important and leaving the rest for when I can get there. There remains a niggiling of guilt about this, but overall I feel good.
I have discovered over the last 17 years that guilt or shame doesn’t serve me well when it comes to pain I have little control over. Weather winter is the one place where I simply can’t change anything about planning how to approach pain. It is pain that pops up as it will. It is and it has it’s say about my body. Period. Accepting this frees me from negativity.
This would be a large issue if I was working currently. I simply could not unless I was allowed to have a flex schedule that allowed me to work any day that I felt “normal” pain levels. I did not see that happening and despite the real fact that I am dealing with other problems that make work not an option, I planned on waiting this winter out before trying to even find work I can do again.
This is more than just a check-in about my life and pain. This is written with the hope that my peers can find inspiration in my life story and not guilt trip themselves with negative thoughts. If we have no control over events, how can we be guilty?