It is very difficult to accept limits on living your life. I have gone through this process before; during the first three years of my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. These last few years I have had a much harder time. Maybe it is because I am older now. Maybe it is because there are more than limits now. Or maybe I am just not willing to let go of my dream that I spent ten years creating. At the end of the day, none of this matters, I have to accept my new limits and create new strengths.
Just like the first three years of living with this chronic pain, my loved ones are tired of me being limited. They are tired of hearing about it. Tired of watching it and tired of helping me. I can not say I blame them as I am tired of it all as well. The disconnect that worries me the most is that they want me to fix it “now” and I am not capable of spinning a magic spell that will get there tomorrow. I am able to begin to plan steps to follow that will get me there, and, it is time to start.
Sure, they could go on and assist me indefinitely and I could continue to feel guilty and disempowered. But my mental health is on the line now. I need to affirm my new strengths. To start this process I need to know what they are. Just thinking about starting over again in this planning, journaling, and finding the new me is overwhelming. This makes taking even the first step daunting.
As daunting as it may be, I am beginning to take that step. I have begun to reorganize my home life in order to function within better. That is the first and most important step we all can take. Once we are able to feel empowered to handle at least some of our lives in our world, we can begin to find more hidden strengths.
I am beginning to realize that spending those ten years following my passion for social work, to assist persons in physical and mental distress, was not entirely a waste. I may not be able to do all that I learned, heck, I may be only capable of doing a small amount of it, but, I can still do it! I have started here, on this blog. I am beginning to branch out from this blog to more on social media. I have recently thought of what I might be able to create or offer to agencies out in the brick and mortar world.
None of this will occur tomorrow. It might take me a year, it might only be six months. I have put these ideas down in the section of my journal entitled, “Important Thoughts”. I use this journal daily. I will continue to take the time to work on my new strengths and stop focusing on my limits every day. We can all do this, I know we can..